Who Am I | 分類 | Q&A |
Pick-ups
> F.I.R 和Globe 和Keiko
> 有關玩TFT 的啟示
> 升4段後有感,這是有關圍棋的心路歷程
> Monster Hunter 中的龍屬性到底是甚麼?
> MySQL 的Linear Hash 到底有多「不亂」

Archive
2022-04
> 艾爾登法環結局淺解
2022-03
> Is Golang's error handling good or bad, comparing to `try...catch`?
2021-07
> 我又用Frameset 了
> 請不要參加Web Summit 2017 年的活動
> 制限籃球
> 雀魂
2021-04
> The things I tested on a broadcast queue - multiqueue2
> MySQL 的Linear Hash 到底有多「不亂」
2021-03
> Svelte 推坑文
2021-02
> 說說關於反射的那些事
2020-10
> Monster Hunter 中的龍屬性到底是甚麼?
2020-09
> MHW 遊記 ScreenShot 節錄 - 1
> MHW 遊記 ScreenShot 節錄 - 2
> MHW 遊記 ScreenShot 節錄 - 3
2020-08
> 升4段後有感,這是有關圍棋的心路歷程
2020-07
> How To Save your Facebook Archive
> 有關玩TFT 的啟示
2020-06
> Decompiling Eurobeat
> 有關Expressiveness (1)
> 有關正向心理學的突破的網友們的討論
> 完全信息遊戲的雜談
> 拆掉六人造人的勇氣
> 對話節錄 - 有關plurk推拉
> Github Daily Trending
2020-05
> 8. aCore - CPU 異常處理(1)
> 7. aCore - 全局界面
> 5. aCore - 正確寫入Buffer 的姿勢 - Volatile
> 6. aCore - 繼續完善字符輸出程序
> 4. aCore - 抽象化VGA
> 屎山推倒計劃
> 1. aCore - 配置Rust Project 和第一次建置
> 2. aCore - Boot image
> 3. aCore - Hello World
2019-11
> Export Facebook Friends list
2019-10
> Development Story on a Standalone Eventually Consistent KV-Store
2019-08
> now blog url
2019-06
> 北極光
> The things I tested on a broadcast queue - multiqueue2
2019-05
> Mio Based Coroutine Libs
> Benchmarking nom 2
> Benchmarking nom
> How does nom v.5 work?
> Multicasting in Rust
2016-07
> 戰zen5
2016-02
> 日記
> PHP7 Upgrade
2015-10
> 刻章的刻
> 日記
2015-07
> 手提裝置漫談
> Touhou Classic Techno 101
2015-06
> SEGA 麻雀能否與雀龍門和天鳳抗衡?
> 如何評價彭羚這個香港歌手?
> Feel Like Dance
> F.I.R 和Globe 和Keiko
> borders
> 在lol 中的情史-下
2015-05
> Old song suggestions - Coldplay - Paradise
> 山伯臨終
> 介紹
> 在lol 中的情史-上
> 在lol 中的情史-中
2015-04
> 中國易經歷史進化哲學原理
> 十年
2014-12
> [借來的CD]金曲蛻變 顧嘉煇 - 我稱之為顧嘉煇的電子樂器初體驗
> [我有的CD] Cling Cling
2014-11
> 夢幻ノ光
2014-07
> 簽名會
> Diary
> [隅田川夏戀歌]好難聽啊! 聽住咁多先orz
> 歸屬感
> [日麻]首次役滿
2014-06
> 試試用九方
> 雜記
> 雜記
2014-05
> 有關我的音樂
2014-04
> 旅遊中一瞬的回憶閃光更新
2014-03
> 推介:2048
> 一頁馬上高大上
> Marasy 回帶彈舊歌
2014-02
> DEA@KAC 2013 Champion 獎品
2014-01
> 轉貼: 2011年好聽粵語歌
> 又寫下音樂(Smile 1-15)
> 回覆備份
> 楊千嬅之老死
2013-12
> DEA
> fb
> 無待堂: 是的,我地柒咗
> backup Facebook 糟點
2013-11
> [NLP]踢爆坊間自我 增值 / 提升 大騙局手法!
> SNS 上最反智的舉止
> 三多蘭
> theme ec
> [中譯]中島みゆき - 清流
2013-10
> 回顧S3 展望S4
> 日記
> 最惡毒的公司
> Memorios
> 就我的圈子而言的普偏偏見 2
> 就我的圈子而言的普偏偏見
> 本気すぎるww曲に合わせてイルミネーションされる民家が凄過ぎる件w
2013-09
> diary
> 日記
> 良曲表
> 再說Daisuke
> 音樂日誌
> 一些apple 產品剛推出時的感覺
> 徒步1400公里返家 新聞
> 日記
> 日記
2013-08
> 20 Windows DAWs Worth Using
> 流水帳日記一份
> 雜記
> o2jam 今天的玩家水平
> 日記
> 日記
> 日記
2013-07
> ienaitoki
> 最近
> 風吹不走笑容
> Rock
2013-06
> [自翻]ロンドンは夜8時 中譯 中文歌詞 日文歌詞 (2015年2月5日更新)
> Daisuke 付拍子歌詞
> [DEA] 合體 行くぜっ!怪盗少女 の違い
> 論TPA 做戲的可能性
2013-05
> Show Line Number in Xcode
2013-04
> DEA 歌曲和編曲個人感想(5月6日更新)
> bitcoin
> 正面標簽和負面標簽
> 知識豆
> 最近
> 勘誤
2013-03
> 近日記たち
> Renoise
> F# 學習筆記 3 List
> F# 學習筆記 3 陣列和Assoc
> F# 學習筆記 5 等位和記錄
> F# 學習筆記 6 記錄和類別
> 最近的遊藝
> F# 學習筆記 7 介面
> 評價蔣薇的《表哥……不要搶我吃的,我餓了……》
> A little C programming...
> Programming for adults
> 遊戲日誌
2013-02
> Good Subjective, Bad Subjective
> 日記
> 0118 999 881 99 9119 725 3
> 日記
2013-01
> 日記
> 最近的更多記事 + Blood Brothers放售
> 2012 回顧
> 日記
2012-12
> 記事
2012-11
> 電話占い
2012-10
> DDR 各代最深印象曲
> Performance of OOP PHP versus non-OOP
> 漫談15年以來網頁開發的心路歷程
> eclipse "required version 8" not installed
2012-09
> 有關比較特別的日本商標的名字的來源
> 雜記
2012-08
> 桌球入門
> FIBA 2008年10月新規則
> Pentile
> Perfect Cherry Blossom 的聲圖大結合
> RF 和 X-Kizz 有感
2012-07
> 華匯
> old timetable
2012-04
> キミの隣で
> How to Launch Multiple Instances of Notepad++
> 數字和架空世界
> 粵語國語英語日語
2012-03
> 音樂日誌 : trust you, 213 原曲 【神霊廟 Stage1 ボス】 『ゴーストリード』
> 真三國無雙6 monster hunter tri-3g
2012-02
> 【初音ミク】千本桜 【歌詞 - 平假名あり】
> 神啊神啊
> F# 學習筆記 1 變數和函數
> F# 學習筆記 2 Tuple 和其他型別
> F# 學習筆記 4 更多函式
> [lol]全坦隊伍
> 百變香江
2012-01
> 小美
> つよがり
2011-12
> LEVEL5 -Judgelight-
> 厄爾尼洛
2011-11
> 偏好
> 續昨日的話
> 不得不說我的命是很希望和世界接通
> 20111105
> quota
2011-10
> locus (part1)
> FB 的惡劣生態
> template 留低
> 有關白書
2011-09
> 日記 - 感情線上
> 有關lol
> 日記
> 天下間最可怕的
> 抽象滲漏法則
2011-08
> KIMONO♥PRINCESS
> 音樂日誌
> 網遊
> viewed
> 瀏覽器
2011-07
> 摘錄
2011-06
> 回覆一篇
> 頂級期待列表
2011-05
> 和我玩是最悠閒的...這次是最終章了
> 強くなGoogle
> 丁噹 { 我是一隻小小鳥 } MV官方完整高清版
> 對細明體的愛
2011-04
> 留link
> 留link
> 日記
> 日記
> 【遊戯王5d's】遊星のテーマ
> No way : 門都沒有
2011-03
> Program
> They
> 每日都會做既事
> 日記
> 繼續寫煌黑心得
> 極好用
> Diary
> 日記
> ただ一つの願いさえ
2011-02
> 我看groupon
> 追憶
> 息子よ
> hanamizuki
> Sweets Time Midnight [東方Vocal] (附中譯歌詞、拼音及裏歌詞) [HQ]
> SI
> セブンスヘブンMAXION -Vague Ontology-
2011-01
> Asynchronization for Adsense, is that difficult?
> Vanni G - I say Yeah (extended version)
> 【化物語】高音質「君の知らない物語」FULL【ED】
> 日記
> 日記
> 有關打字
> Scotty - Pirates Of The Caribbean (Dave Darell Remix)
> 日記
> irresistiblement-sylvie vartan
> Irrésistiblement
> 在rb 底部加入...
> 日記
> 是日遊踪
> 深刻的啟示
2010-12
> Bang - Shooting Star (original)
> shooting star - bang original (from DDR 4th Mix)
> [pop'n]凛として咲く花の如く -- 歌詞
> いとくとら [恋愛サーキュレーション] 踊ってみた
> 心情
> 彼岸になりし曼珠沙華、其の輝図は何処
> In PHP a string is actually an array
> 其實我覺得我的人生只有快樂
> blog 系統之思
2010-11
> 日記
> 日記
> 愛物
> Diary
> I met Alexander today, on Skype.
> 夏祭り 羅馬字易唱易讀 lol
> 日記
> 留言備份
> 小小資訊-請各位友人看看
> Tetris - Radical / Instant Gravity Experience
> 上位人物
> 成功は_分の努力と_分の才能の兼ね合い
> 今日o2 成績
2010-10
> 好物
> DDR 好聽物
> 最近的生活
> 日記
> Diary(chronological)
> 雜記
> 日記
> 動漫
> 日記
> 音樂日誌
> ipad 最希望會有ge game
> Y Combinator 的話
> 音樂日誌
> Super Driver
> 回應我的blog 文
> 成吉思汗
> 情意結 陳慧嫻
2010-09
> 通識陷阱
> Discuz 和phpwind 的循環抄
> Quick Inspirations
> 你喜歡甚麼?不喜歡甚麼?
> Cups 網絡對戰版
> .htaccess - Allow Only By Referer
> 是我們對清純要求太高,太落伍,太糾結嗎?如果它曾經真的存在,現在又貌似死亡,那究竟是誰「謀殺」了清純?
> 初音ミクが円周率10,000桁覚えたようです。
> 亞貝的天堂template 分享(三欄, 灰)
> 造了新主題呢
> Tsukasa - Landscape
> 和我一起去隅田川吧!
> 【分享】隅田川夏戀歌 完整版 歌詞翻譯(微調7/6)
> Best Programming Jokes
> 電影(9月7)
> 外語歌(9月7)
> 那一夜,我哭跪在女兒面前:丫頭,你做什麼不好?!
> 異種
> ohohoh
2010-08
> 轉變
> 超神器
> 我想提倡英文引入一個ee 尾的用法
> Big4 其實黑過墨豆
> 感悟
> 日記
2010-07
>
> 小事回憶
> 積極
> 我打的日本麻將
> 我為甚麼打三麻?
> 東風三麻的思考方針
> 談論防守
2010-06
> 我最愛的專輯 - 東方蒼幻燈
> iTouch 2G 從iOS4降級出現3194未知錯誤的解決方案
> PHP 6 的新特性
> 現在寫 PHP6-compatible 的一些技巧
> APC(Alternative PHP Cache)
> Nobody
> BUG
> [文Bug]謝謝你的不珍惜,讓我學會了放棄
> 原來天使也會累
> 手紙 ~拝啓 十五の君へ~
> 上傳好物
2010-05
> [遊戲王]1000理論
> [遊戲王]壓縮卡組的價值
> [遊戲王]怪獸的平衡點
> 好歌 張學友的神之領域
> 盛大網絡的積極性
> 日記
> 證義搜查線
> ie-css3
> yugioh @ rm2k3
> When KISS is not DRY
> [mind streaming]What is the matter?
> A little bit earlier
> 失眠
2010-04
> Diary
> [分享]人魚
> 俄羅斯, 美國, 中國
> Girls' Generation
> 最近的生活
2010-03
> PHP Template Engine Critique
> [舊聞]Microsoft Zune HD(32G銀色)評測 (轉自IT168數碼網)
> 最近的生活
> ohoh
> Short, Simple and Full guide to install tomcat6 on ubuntu 9.10
> [分享]極好用的color picker
> PSP 的地球
> 真三国无双 MR2
2010-02
> 試想中國近二十年的教育狀況
> −華恋 −emotions− 「A.K.A. 華爛漫 -Flowers-」
> 好神
> 小數
> 超經典的
2010-01
> Youtube player ytp
> 加點
> 小故事
> 這個分類
> Colors of the Wind
> 續星之夢
> 鍵盤攻略
> 如何才能獨立?
> 如何才能獨立生活?
> RealWiki
> 微軟的好事
> 4k 之內
2009-12
> 笑起上黎
> 化妝
> 一個初學PHP 的人
> Dependency
2009-11
> 轉貼:重新理解社区概念——写在PHPWind7.5发布之际(一)
> 預期的天氣
2009-10
> 感動至深的AVG
> 最近tags
> 矛盾
> 日記
> 今日早上突發奇想
2009-09
> 晚上總是善感的
> 上面的歌...
> サクラ大戦 歌謡ショウ 檄!帝国華撃団(改)
> 檄!帝國華擊團
> 雜言
> 一直都好討厭反問句...
> 恒 生 指 數 ETF vs 盈富基金
> 《貝多芬病毒》
> 點解點解!!??
2009-08
> 34%青少年願援交搵快錢
> My Gadgets
> 打打日記吧
> 一時的和長久的
> 編程的原則
> Beethoven Virus
> 常言道, 劉德華
> 糟透的時間
2009-07
> 林燕妮的數學世界續篇
> 名曲
> 凛として咲く花の如く
> 遲了的日記
2009-06
> Key/Visual Art
> 林燕妮的數學世界
> 日記
> 悲慘世界有很多好聽的曲子呢!!
2009-05
> 最近
> 好熱啊
> 最優秀音頻播放器重新評選(本物評論)
> 愚蠢的錯誤
> 突然想到
> 是日感想
> SABER WING
> 我整個都Saber Wing 了!
2009-04
> 無理的收費
> Creative Accounting 的最大啟示
> 回應先前冰漓的回覆
> ジンギスカン [Oriental-clan Beat Mix]
> 最近興趣
> 記事, 滅亡之章
> AKB48 - 大声ダイヤモンド
> 一百萬零一夜-我最喜愛的角色
> Smile DK ~Koko Soko~
> 迷失的預言
> 三位一体
> 會考與pastpaper
> 真日記
> 電車男形像解釋
2009-03
> 小工具, 大作用
> 開發rf 有感
> 封鎖的靈魂
> Planetarian 星之夢
> 滿足與禁止(一)
> 北歐的簡約生活
> 沉淪的心情
> 負面的心情
> 鄭伊健 - 極速
> 重要事項通告
> 日之風願
> 想做的事
> 以有崖隨無崖
> 我真的很不想
> 萬花止嵐
2009-02
> 很快又會到六月...
> 英文版《上海滩》The Beach of ShangHai
> 本物的外觀觀察
> 充實
> msn 名
> 是日成份
> 日記
> 一理通百理明
> 百變香江
> 週記
> DDRX 的新曲
> DjMax BS中尚未ALL Combo 記錄
> 本物
2009-01
> 華麗的遊戲
> 最近的生活
> The meaning of American Pie
> Artweaver
> 一口氣把勝負師傳說睇完啦!!
> 有關'太空戰士'
> 對於Winamp 的感情
2008-12
> 503 啊
> CG . 韓菱紗
> 日常記事
> 惡搞【KUSO斯巴達300丁丁】
> 成吉思汗啊!
> 津 巴 布 韋 發 行 面 值 5 億 鈔 票
> Bemani 音樂
> 電梯(1)
> Rules of Data Normalization
2008-11
> 其中一首一直很喜歡的歌-Get Over
> You touched me, and my soul.
> 想做的難事(1)
> MSN 記事 11月26日
> You can't be my boyfriend
> 不值錢的棋協段位
> Aqua - Tarzan And Jane
> Flea - Clazziquai Project
> 26歲男教師情困跳樓亡 跆拳高手不敵情關 帶醉怨女友冷落
> 新blog
> Abby 也可以是男生名字喔
2008-10
> 談論主題 YouTube - Google Project 10^100 10 to the 100th Reusable Ground
2008-06
> 解決不能在Windows Live Writer中使用 WordPress MU 1.5.1 的 wp_getUserBlogs錯誤
2008-04
> 夜語
> msn 名
2008-03
> 夢一般的播放器
> 演化至中間碼
> msn 名
> 一句話
2008-02
> 昨天和P女仕聊天, 這種感覺久久不能揮去
2007-12
> Wal-Mart Employees Say 'Merry Christmas'
> msn 名/稱
> 一些知識嗎?
> 平平靜靜才不是平平無奇
2007-11
> Microsoft 的新作品嗎?
2007-10
> 又談.NET
> Gundam Battle Chronicle
> Music
2007-09
> 名?
> 鎖與鑰
> MSN 名
> Msn 名
> Msn 名
> 感想
2007-08
> 影響我最大的朋友
> 請到msn space
> MSN
> msn 名
2007-07
> 一期一會
2007-06
>
2007-05
> 演奏
2007-03
> 搬blog
> Sega 腦快感? future plan for 5years
> 日記
> exciting 2005
> flash memory one
2007-02
> lay lies
> ypn
> 打字速度教學
> google adsense
> Life Grade
> 推介的K 歌
> handicap me
> fainted
2007-01
> Wonderful trip
> 日誌
> (默...)
> online game
2006-12
> 充到你死死實
> go arcade center!
> why are u doing this!!!???
> 好亂的
> Abby艾比
> ac 完結
> 日記
> 油浸豆腐花
> 戒毒第一日
> Smile.dk 舊歌
> unlucky days
> 雜感
2006-11
> how much sleeping?
> jupas temporary sequence
> 近排玩咩呢?
> Edward Elric
> 日記...
> 新mouse 入手
> 無比支力的一day
> 唔打咁多要溫書
> 日記...
> I love Groove Coverage
> Trading...Comparative Advantage
> 雜七雜八
> 7 years and 50 days...by one of my pop singers, groove coverage
> 有d 攰la...
> 一個好的powerpoint 要
> DDR supernova
> 話打話打...都今日先打
> marketing presentation
2006-10
> 昨日和今日
> Google 收購youtube 之我見
> 雙測奇謀 - The Two Tests
> 只打短短的
> 呢排都係baf ga la
> 今日係點呢?
> 問卷接龍
> 更新Xanga 吧~
2006-08
> MSN Spaces to Blogger 搬家工具
> Nice Microsoft Virtual Earth
> PHPwind 和Discuz 之戰....重要的轉變
> EVE Online
> .NET 必勝?
2006-06
> discuz.net 留言...別離
2006-03
> 很久沒更新了...
2006-01
> o2jam 過33級
2005-10
> 世紀帝國3
> 有趣redirection
> 分析智者不亂和仁者無懼
2005-09
> IT 其實好折墮
> 給我帶電話的理由!
> 名(純粹無聊搞笑)
> 夢中情人的連鎖
2005-08
> IR PS DW FW 混用
> Windows media player for Mac
> 日記 與 Action 與 Macro
> 普魯斯特問卷
> ORZ 公仔
> 網誌串聯連鎖反應...
> localhost 與127.0.0.1
> 名 O2JAM
> 名 2005 08 15
> 心測結果
> 名 2005 08 13
> 名 2005 08 08
> 名 2005-08-03
> Microsoft 命名法
> 名(2005 08 02)
> 在中三要諗的科
2005-07
> 句(三)
> 漫漫長長的bt 下載:mandriva 6cd
> Mandriva VS Fedora
> 名句改篇(一)
2005-06
> 大家(2)
> 一青窈 - 大家
> 名句(二)
> 小作品一件 - dcd
> 名句(一)
> 在sourceFORGE 的經歷
2005-05
> 挑釁的反應
> 對LOTR 玩一次anti
> MSN Space
> 發夢
2005-04
> 元素系名字
> "珍惜所有"的矛盾性
> 我論習慣
> 興趣範圍: TT
> .NET 的效率
> 編程世界雜談
> Fedora (2)
2005-03
> 絕世閒人
> Fedora (1)
> 高階與低階
> Zaurus 系列
> Linux 雜談
> gsplayer for Midi
> Spaces 留字版
> Defend your Castle
> Space 的前瞻性
> 歡迎光臨
2003-06
> Deciding to build a FTP server of not

Best Programming Jokes

2010-09-08
日常生活

How can you tell when a programmer has had sex?

When he’s washing the pepper spray out of his eyes.
\~~~~~
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

\~~~~~
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
\~~~~~
Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
\~~~~~
How many programers dose it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardare problem
\~~~~~
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
\~~~~~
There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.
\~~~~~
A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
\~~~~~
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”
\~~~~~
Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.
\~~~~~
Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
\~~~~~
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”
\~~~~~
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.
\~~~~~
A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”
The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”
The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”
The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”
At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”
\~~~~~
All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.
\~~~~~
Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.
\~~~~~
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
\~~~~~
“I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”
\~~~~~
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
\~~~~~
Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.
\~~~~~
Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”
\~~~~~
From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary:
Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
\~~~~~
The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook
\~~~~~
One hundred little bugs in the code
One hundred little bugs.
Fix a bug, link the fix in,
One hundred little bugs in the code.
\~~~~~
A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”
\~~~~~
Comic
\~~~~~
CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
\~~~~~
Funny Error Messages ~~~~~
God as a Programmer ~~~~~
Computer Stupidities ~~~~~
Comedy Code is syntactically correct programming code written just for fun. The code doesn’t actually have to do anything if it’s executed, but it should look like regular code.
\~~~~~
Why computers are like men:

  1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

  2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.

  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Why computers are like women:1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

  1. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

  2. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

  3. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Laws of Computer Programming1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

1. Any given program costs more and takes longer.

1. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

1. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

1. Any program will expand to fill available memory.

1. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

1. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

1. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.

1. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

1. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~- Lubarsky’s Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There’s always one more bug.

- Shaw’s Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

- Woltman’s Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time.

- Gallois’ Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.

A programmer finds himself in front of a committee that decides whether he should go to Heaven or Hell. The committee tells the programmer he has a say in the matter and asks him if he wants to see either Heaven or Hell before stating his preference.  
“Sure,” the programmer replies. “I have a pretty good idea what Heaven is like, so let’s see Hell.” So an angel takes the programmer to a sunny beach, full of beautiful women in skimpy bikinis playing volleyball, listening to music and having a great time. “Wow!” he exclaims, “Hell looks great! I’ll take Hell!”  
Instantly the programmer finds himself in red-hot lava with demons tearing at his flesh. “Where’s the beach? The music? The women?” he screams frantically to the angel.  
“That was the demo,” the angel replies as she vanishes.  

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”
“Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”
Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”
God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”

Redneck Computer Terms  
LOG ON: Makin’ a woodstove hot.  
LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.  
MONITOR: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.  
DOWNLOAD: Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.  
MEGA HERTZ: When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.  
FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood.  
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.  
HARD DRIVE: Gittin’ home in the winter time.  
WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it’s cold outside.  
SCREEN: Whut to shut when it’s black fly season.  
BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.  
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.  
MICRO CHIP: Whut’s in the bottom of the munchie bag.  
MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields.  
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife.  
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.  
KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys.  
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes.  
MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.  
MOUSE PAD: That’s hippie talk fer the mouse hole.  
MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.  
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.  
ENTER: Northerner talk fer, “C’mon in, y’all.”  
CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun.  
DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don’t far when you pull the trigger.  
REBOOT: Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kitty’s still outside.  

Software Development Cycles1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

  1. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

  2. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.

  3. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.

  4. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.

  5. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

  6. Users find 137 new bugs.

  7. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

  8. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

  9. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.

  10. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

  11. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.

  12. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…

Top 10 phrases spoken by a Klingon Programmer1. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!

1. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!

1. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!

1. Our competitors are without honor!

1. Specifications are for the weak and timid!

1. This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!

1. Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!

1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

1. My program has just dumped Stova Core!

1. Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!

The programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can’t find a girlfriend with a good <HEAD> on her <BODY>, reason 0 being that he has limited cache. So he searches his memory to recall connecting to the TCP/IP tunnel of his last girlfriend — sometimes even without a secure socket. His last girlfriend always complained about his lack of comments. He fumed, “I hate commenting!” Realizing it was a program requirement, he told her she had nice bits. This resulted in a Syntax Error. Now she demanded a massage, but this was rejected as “Feature Creep.” He smacked her back-end and shouted, “Who’s your parent node?!” He scanned for open ports. He attempted to install a backdoor worm but her response was 403. While his data uploaded into her input device, she considered terminating the process. But instead she initiated a Do While loop where she recalled a previous boyfriend with a larger pointer. To expedite the routine routine, she screamed, “Hack into my system! Hack deep into my system! You’re 1337, baby!” This caused his stack to overflow, and he shot his GUI on her interface. (Source)

What’s the difference between drug dealers and computer programmers?  
 Drug Dealers Computer Programmers 

 Refer to their clients as “users”. Refer to their clients as “users”. 

 “The first one’s free!” “Download a free trial version…” 

 Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff). Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code). 

 Strange jargon: “Stick,” “Rock,” “Dime bag,” “E”. Strange jargon: “SCSI,” “RTFM,” “Java,” “ISDN”. 

 Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market. Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market. 

 Job is assisted by the industry’s producing newer, more potent mixes. Job is assisted by industry’s producing newer, faster machines. 

 Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers. Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists. 

 Their product causes unhealthy addictions. DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D. ‘Nuff said. 

 Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you. Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!